As a child, I used to throw away the flowers and look for another one if it ended on a โnot.โ If only repairing a heartache were that easy, right?ย
To all my SonBeam friends out there feeling the sting of rejection, this oneโs for you:ย ย
๐๐ฉ'๐จ ๐ฃ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช. ๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฎ๐ข๐ป๐ช๐ฏ๐จ๐ญ๐บ ๐ด๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ค๐ช๐ข๐ญ. ๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ข ๐ค๐ฉ๐ช๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐๐ฐ๐ฅ, ๐ข ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ช๐ฏ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ข ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ช๐ฏ๐ค๐ฆ๐ด๐ด, ๐๐ช๐ด ๐ค๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐๐ช๐ด ๐ช๐ฎ๐ข๐จ๐ฆ. ๐๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ข๐ถ๐ต๐บ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ, ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฅ๐ฐ ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต. ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ช๐ท๐ฆ๐ด ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ณ๐ช๐ค๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐บ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ข๐ด๐ถ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ค๐ข๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ. ๐๐ฐ๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ด๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ข ๐ด๐ฆ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฅ. ๐๐ต ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฏ๐ด ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ. ๐๐ต ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฏ๐ด ๐ข ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ.ย
I think itโs human nature to go through a stage of blaming ourselves when we lose something we donโt want lost. It can even be healthy to acknowledge our weakness so we can always be improving. We must keep it balanced, though. If we canโt see the flip side (ie, the strengths), then we are blinding ourselves. If we canโt love ourselves and accept us wholeheartedly, then we are not being fair to ourselves. We are Godโs creations and God wants us to love His creations, even ourselves.
ย ย
Some of you out there are struggling through a divorce, and I acknowledge thatโs a level of heartache that Iโve never experienced. I have experienced some pretty tough break-ups, though, as most of us have. Iโll even share with you that so many years not connecting with someone enough to marry them had a sting of rejection in its own form when depression is my internal editor. And Iโve lived through divorces of loved ones that cut me to the core. When my mother and her husband divorced my senior year of high school, it took me years longer to forgive him than it took her. So I understand feelings of unworthiness, rejection, and abandonment when someone who is supposed to be there isnโt. When someone you trust pulls your life out from under your feet by walking out the door, I know how impossible it feels to ever heal.ย
You will. Completely. You wonโt just learn how to function. You will be whole again. You will be better. You will even wonder how it was ever so hard, though you will know that it was. One day, youโll find yourself able to talk about it and be surprised that you can. You wonโt even know that youโre willing to talk about it until youโre doing it - and thatโs when you finally realize that itโs no longer your protected little memory.ย ย
But how to get there? Thereโs no secret recipe. You get yourself a whole toolbag of tricks and you flip through them until you find the one thatโs working for you at any given time. Your goal is to push through from this moment to the next, in as small increments of time as you have to, until you can increase them. Iโve had moments when I had to focus on getting from just one minute to the next. When it wasnโt hurting so badly, I could expand my tunnel vision to a whole hour. You get active (exercise really is good for your soul) and you fill up your spare time with positive engagements (I watched a ton of sports during my lowest period) but you also allow yourself alone time to be honest, to process, to cry, and to self-coach.ย
Through it all, you pray. You hold on tight to Godโs love because He NEVER loves you not. You find yourself a few verses that remind you of that and you keep them handy. And you read them over and over and over until something clicks so that you remember that you are special enough that He let His son suffer a horrendous death FOR YOU. See, you are loved and you must be pretty doggone amazing.ย
After a break-up a few years ago, I spent several months playing the what-went-wrong game. Finally, one night I realized something that snapped me out of it immediately. That moment meant enough to me that I wrote my own thoughts down:ย
โ๐ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ข๐ด๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐จ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ถ๐ณ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ญ๐บ. ๐๐ข๐ช๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ด๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ณ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต. ๐ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ ๐จ๐ช๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ฎ๐บ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ข๐ฃ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ข๐บ ๐ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ข๐บ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ ๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ธ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฅ๐ฐ. ๐๐ต ๐ฉ๐ถ๐ณ๐ต ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ต ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฅ, ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ, ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ต ๐ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ข๐ง๐ณ๐ข๐ช๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ญ๐ช๐ท๐ฆ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต'๐ด ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ ๐ณ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต.โย
This very life is a gift from God. He wants us to experience it and He doesnโt want us to miss out on any of it for fear. His plan far outweighs any crosses we bear. Your grief may be a surprise to you but itโs not to Him. As much as you donโt want to hear that somehow itโs a part of His plan, realize what that means โ that Heโs already planned the other side of this grief, too. Trust Him and know that He wonโt ever walk away. He thinks youโre is most precious creation and nothing you do will ever make Him stop loving you.ย ย ย
โFor I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, ๐ง๐จ๐ซ ๐๐ง๐ฒ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐ฅ๐ฌ๐ ๐ข๐ง ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐ซ๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง, ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฌ๐๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐๐ญ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐ ๐จ๐ ๐๐จ๐ that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.โ Romans 8:38-39 NIVย
โโFor I know the plans I have for you,โ declares the Lord, โplans to prosper you and not to harm you, ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐๐ง๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ก๐จ๐ฉ๐ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ญ๐ฎ๐ซ๐.โโ Jeremiah 29:11 NIVย
โBut God demonstrates his own love for us in this: ๐๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐ ๐ฐ๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฌ๐ข๐ง๐ง๐๐ซ๐ฌ, Christ died for us.โ Romans 5:8 NIVย
ย โ๐
๐จ๐ซ ๐๐จ๐ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฐ๐จ๐ซ๐ฅ๐ that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.โ John 3:16 NIV